Conspiracies and Linguistics

Yes, yes. I've been away for over 3 months now. Some of us thought mid-19th century imperial economic policy could be interesting and hastily regretted a life choice. And by some of us I mean one. Singular. I did. Stupidly.

Though I still got an A.

This week's beer: Fraoch 

Since the word "fraoch" is Gaelic it takes some honing to be able to pronounce without thinking twice. It is pronounced "Fru-och" because some Scot was drunk while learning his Roman characters. Most of Gaelic is bizarre like this, whether it be Scots, Irish, Cornish, or Manx, and gets even nuttier when you see a Scots word like "mhath" (night) and is pronounced "va". It's quite terrifying to see the Irish "Oíche mhaith" and find the articulation to be merely "ye-wha [punch to the teeth]". Perhaps Welsh is the most logically written Celtic language, however the intrepid 20th century British history student will see the national Welsh party Plaid Cymru, learn it is spoken "Plide Coom-ree", and then leave the room in disgust. I'd love to see a Gaelic teacher frustratingly tell their student to enunciate, and then discern how little they've offered the world.

Fraoch is commonly written as "Fraoch Heather Ale" which would essentially be calling it "Heather Heater Ale". It is, as you so rightly guessed, flavoured with heather: a plant of which I had no gustatory knowledge. It is the oldest known style of ale still in production (4000 years!!! Suck it, Sumerians!!!) and is a vegetation that is prevalent in Scotland's endless array of damp moors and soggy crags. Pouring a 33cl glass showed no carbonation and a deep topaz. Holding it up to the light there were--stay with me now--seeming soft folds floating through the ale like ghosts. Returning my attention to the task at hand the nose revealed light earthy and floral tones. And heather. The foam head quickly receded.

Tasting was an experience. As said above, this was my first time trying heather. It's a word that doesn't often come to mind. Heather Graham showed up in a recent Old Spice advertisement...so...there's that. I had a drink and was not very impressed. Heather, to me at least, is a pretty bland flower in terms of taste. It is an herbal-peat flavour, but light. It reminded me of the hibiscus juice I had in a trip to Central America which again I found bland but everyone around me seemed to love. And hibiscus looks kind of like azalea, which is of the heather family, so maybe there's a floral conspiracy.

Towards the end there was a salt tang that gave a whiff of the sea which surprisingly complimented the heather. 5% ABV means several of these could be had in a sitting, but you wouldn't want to. Adding to the conspiracy, most of the internet seems to hold Fraoch in high regard, and it won gold medals in 1996 and '97, was named CAMRA's beer of the year all four years between 1997 and 2000, and won another award at the Royal Highland Show in 1997. Give this one a shot out of sheer interest, but it's about as forgettable as Heather Graham in Even Cowgirls Get the Blues, which oddly enough also starred this man:

A Glass for the Bard of Ayrshire

A bonnie Robbie Burns Day to you all! Hope you ate massive amounts of haggis, read poetry endlessly, and drank a toast to the Scottish Bard.

I know I did.

Robbie Burns Day Beer: 
Alba Scots Pine Ale


Crikey this one's good. Ale is a general term for any fermented drink. Beer specifically uses hops, but hops were not much used until the 18th century. However, man being man, and Scots being Scots, every last piece of vegetation has fermented at some point. Alba uses fermented pine (think of a pine tree) and spruce (think of a pine tree) to create its flavours.

Now here's where things get awesome. According to the brochure, explorers would use spruce ales to ward off scurvy. As well, it's also supposed to make you awesomely fertile (ahem, ladies) and the style was introduced by the most awesome people in history: the Vikings. FACT: This stuff is awesome.

The bottle pours out a rich cloudy copper that sparkles and dances with its carbonation. The head quickly dissolves, and the nose reveals pine, spruce, a touch of caramel, and a good strong dose of malt. The label recommends serving this at room temperature and I can see why. Chilling this ale would take away from its warmth. Alba is comforting; the tepid serving widens the flavour and lasts long.

And what a flavour! This is one of the most complex drinks I've had, but doesn't go overboard. A good triple (7.5% ABV) that soothes with its deep flavour of spruce and pine. It's smoother than a puppy. It's smoother than Coltrane's "Every Time We Say Goodbye". It's smoother than Neil Patrick Harris.

The finish lasts longer than a Chaucer marathon. This ale could toss a caber. Alba Scots Pine Ale is an absolute treasure trove of unique flavour. Save this one for toasting the lassies and celebrating the poet's life. Lean back with this cup o' kindness, and take a right gud-willy waught for auld lang syne. Slàinte mhòr agad!

No One Does Karaoke Alone

This week's beer: Yuengling Traditional Lager 

A friend brought me this can up from the States a few weeks ago. Founded by David Gottlob Jüngling in 1829, Yuengling boasts being the oldest brewery in the United States; located in Pottsville, Pennsylvania. The brewery was originally founded under the awesome name Eagle Brewery, and down graded to the distinctly less awesome D. G. Yuengling and Son in 1873 when Herr Jüngling's son joined (family companies were all the rage). 'Yuengling' is the anglicized name of Jüngling, which shows his knowledge of the English language seemed to have been fairly rudimentary. "Youngling" would have been better, I guess, but fairly weak for a name. I think he should have just gone with "Steve".

It's not that Traditional Lager is a bad beer, it just doesn't offer anything beyond its name. Any better beer can be classified as a 'good' beer, and any lesser can be called 'bad'. It is the definition of average. It is the 0 on the integer line. It is season 3 of House. It is the ABBA of beers: drunk happily with everyone else while blasting from the PA, but never turned on when alone. That last metaphor also makes it the karaoke of beers.

One last analogy: Yuengling is the midpoint between Jimi Hendrix's "Star Spangled Banner" at Woodstock and Steven Tyler's recent performance at a New England/Baltimore game. 4.4% ABV is fairly low too in terms of sociable amber beers, as well as being a tad too light an amber for my taste. It's better than Mill Street Tankhouse Ale, but falls far below other amber beers like Hop City's Barking Squirrel (review to come!).

Elephant in the Room

The only thing better than finding an epic beer menu in a bar is finding out that the list is inexpensive. This leads us to Sin & Redemption: a classy, inexpensive bar in downtown Toronto with knowledgeable and thankfully unpretentious staff. It's right by the Art Gallery of Ontario, so you can have a whole day of high culture. Heck, the front door to S&R is done to look like an olde monastery door, and according to one member of my group usually has a line around the corner.

So go on Sundays.

This week's beer: Delirium Tremens 


Delirium Tremens is a strong golden Belgian ale that gets its name from the latin for "trembling madness," a disease that comes from withdrawal from alcohol abuse. Apparently, symptoms of the shakes include hallucination of pink elephants.

Delirium Tremens came out just after Christmas '89, and was named the best beer in the world within a decade by professionals as well as delirium-sufferers. It's made by Huyghe Brewery (est. 1906, pronunciation still disputed) whose dozens of other beers include La Minty (3 guesses to how that one's flavoured), La Guillotine (you can taste the decapitated monarch!), and Sexy Lager (which is only drunk by society's best).

The beer was topped by a big-but-not-too-big collar and had a sweet fruity aroma. Drinking I was surprised: never having had a beer before with a noticeably soft foam head. The texture was similar to whipped cream: thick, airy, and sweet. The taste was lightly hoppy with a touch of clove for spice. Extremely pleasant and drinkable, but be careful as the beer stops being light when you read the 8.5% ABV. A mellow finish that disappears a little quickly, leaving you trumpeting for the next glass to be poured.

A Cackle and A High Five

Happy 2012, and welcome to A Brew For What Ales Ya! [awkward punctuation--should I add a second exclamation point? Ohhh the things that keep me up at night.]

This week's beer: Unibroue 17 


I purchased one of these towards the end of November with New Years in mind. Blasting the cork off something seemed like an appropriate activity for when the clock struck midnight, and champagne falls quite a ways below beer on the scale of things I like.

Unibroue (located in Chambly, Quebec) makes the best beer in Canada. Actually. A coaster near me boasts over 100 medals; and without a date I can only assume this coaster is a previous edition--potentially collectible!--and Unibroue has collected quite a few more awards.

Needless to say I was quite excited to pop the cork on Unibroue 17 at midnight. Failing spectacularly, I poured myself a tall chalice and savoured the aroma.

For like, 2 seconds!!!!! This is great stuff. This is the sort of beer cold-mad Quebec lumberjacks swig after a long day of logger-hockey and poutine. King Malt sits on his hops and spice throne for the nose. Drinking reveals even more malt, which by this point is dancing around your tastebuds with the Christmas morning glee of a child. Sweet mocha enters the mix followed by a very small line of fruity oak. It goes down smooth.

A friend of mine responded to his taste by cackling and went for a high five. Every flavour in the nose and palate is individually perceptible, yet can also be tasted in one condensed package. The light was too dim to see the colour, though Unibroue's website and a quick Google image search shows a deep amber. Ten minutes later the flavour was still relaxing and warm.

At 10% ABV, this is one that should be had long and slow, challenging your self-discipline. There's a very good reason this was named one of the top five beers world over at the World Beer Awards in 2010. Share it about with your mates, this beer is true perfection.